last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Small penises have feelings too.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
