i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
