I just made out with a guy for $7.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
