shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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