i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
