honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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