her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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