Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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