I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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