am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
