What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
