It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
