Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
