I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
