I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
