hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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