somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
