my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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