Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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