I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
