so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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