Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
