pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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