i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he shaved USA in his pubs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
