I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
