oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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