i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
