I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
