I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
