Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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