just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
