oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
