Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
