Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
