saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
