Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
