there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
