All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize