she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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