how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
