i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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