im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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