Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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