Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
