This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
