plz talk dirty to me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
