her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
