she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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