# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
