Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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