did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
