going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
