it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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