Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
