it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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