I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
