and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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