Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
