I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
