I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
