Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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