Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
