Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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