I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
