is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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