Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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