Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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