Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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