Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize