I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
