We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
