R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
