peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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