its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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