Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
