So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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