I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
