can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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