Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
