She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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