Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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