2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
