Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
